Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
