what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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