So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
