I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
