i jhust puked up my retainher.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
