That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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