I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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