Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
