Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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