What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
