my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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