pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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