she was so not down for the gang bang
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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