No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
