You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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