Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
