a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
