the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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