everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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