ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
where are my eyebrows?
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