i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I need to calm my uterus...
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize