there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
this boner is exhausting
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm like, not good at living.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
