She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
