Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
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