i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
