is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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