get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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