dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She swung at the pinata with crutches
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
How naked do you want me to be?
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