WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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