So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
