I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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