Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Why is there bacon in the couch?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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