Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
