cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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