I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
