And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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