You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
