Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
