the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
