I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
