I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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