dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
