I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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