sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize