Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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