I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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