He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
