Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
