I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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