Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
It's never too late to be topless.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Randomize
