I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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