I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
