I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
