Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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