Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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