just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
