I want to make a zoo with you.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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