Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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