Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
