Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
The struggles of a small town man whore
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
