dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Verdict: uncircumcised.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
