The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
