i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
