It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
