I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
