i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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