I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
