Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
