Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
