So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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