Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
