You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
