I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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