Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
