mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
