Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
