If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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