His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
