My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
