Just fell off a train. Bad.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
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