It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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