i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
