i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
