so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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