this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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