dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
