I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
