community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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