How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
you are never too drunk for berry picking
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
