he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
