everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
