When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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