apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
