We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
