man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
