As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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