So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
